Tony Dolan`s Suckass Death

Tony Dolan`s Suckass Death (in roleplaying games)

Well, as I wipe the tears from my eyes form that beautiful
story, I will relate my own most suckass death. This particular death
was particularly galling because I saw it coming but there wasn’t a damn
thing I could do about. We were in Mike Montessa’s Call of Cthulhu game.
We had chased the bad guys all the way from NYC to the pyramids of
Egypt, surviving many perils and slowly building up our characters. It
looked like we were about to reach the heart of the mystery. And we did,
and this is where the trouble started. Now, for those of you unfamiliar
with C of C (there must be somebody), it is generally not a game that
rewards the impulsive player. So when we saw that huge, eldritch throne
in the bowels of the evil pyramid, I remember thinking,”it would be a
poor idea to sit on that nasty looking throne.” Yet, at the very moment
I was thinking this, I hear from one of the other players, “I’ll go and
sit on it.” I started repeating a mantra to myself,”no,no,no,no..,” real
quiet-like. Maybe Mike didn’t hear…I looked over to Jay Noyes, who was
also in that campaign. He had his head down, his eyes squinched closed,
and he was shaking his head ever so slightly, “no,no,no,…” But Mike
calls out,”What?” “I’m gonna go over and SIT on it.” And then Mike just
sighed, and I sighed, and Jay sighed. We all sighed. And then
Nyarlathotep invaded his twitching, howling carcass up there on the
throne, blasting us for D100 san per round. I lasted a round or two,
even got a spell off *plink* before I ran screaming, screaming,
hopelessly insane. I remember Jay’s character clawing his eyes out, but
that’s another story. All told, a moment’s stubborn impulse killed or
incapacited all but one of the party members. The only thing Mike could
say was, “Well, it’s time to bring out your backup characters.”

Tony Dolan


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